You can ask anyone who has known me for a significant amount of time and they will tell you that I am not a religious person. I don’t believe in a God of any kind. I don’t believe that religion and finding God are the answer to everything. And I most certainly do not believe that my fate is all planned out and I have zero control over my life.
That part especially bugs me.
And before I start receiving the crazy backlash and the “you’re going to hell” threats, let me point out that I have taken religious studies and I don’t make it my goal to belittle and completely trash every religion. If that’s your thing, don’t let my opinion stop you, but let my opinion be heard. And telling me I’ll go to hell means nothing if I don’t believe in heaven and hell.
There are so many studies and such that show that religious people are happier than people who don’t believe in religion. While I can clearly see how that is true, I also feel that some religious people (read NOT ALL!) are not very happy because they feel their lives lack purpose until they come to terms with their predetermined faith and find harmony with their respected God(s). And it causes me to think that if I don’t participate in religious activities that I’ll someday lose all my optimism that I try so hard to keep even when everything important to me continues to struggle to get back on its feet after a particularly hard year.
That’s why I think while religion is not for me, astrology is. Because I need to believe in something bigger than me, bigger than us. It’s this belief that grabs my dwindling optimism, at times, and reassures me that the stars will align in my favour once more. While I refuse to believe that I have no control over my life, the choices I make or the people that “stumble across my path”, I do like to believe in luck and that some days will be better than others. That when the universe is out of balance, I’m going to be late and I’ll have to plan accordingly. Or that when I’m feeling particularly creative I need to step away from work and just daydream, because everything is in my favour and I’m on the brink off a creative outburst.
I need to believe that a Taurus will be my perfect match.
I need to believe that I’m too picky and need to open up more. I need to let people in, because a secluded Virgo isn’t going to help anyone.
I’m still new to this whole astrology thing and there is more research I need to do, but from the daily horoscopes I get, and the hair (yes hair!) and palm readings I had in January, I can tell you that I feel confident that I’m on the path to success and happiness.
And by god if this is what finding God is like than I’m sorry I internally scoffed at you!
Because in the last year I have had hard times financially and health wise, but I’ve also learned that money is not everything and that only the people closest to me matter. I still have a pathetic love life, but I’ve let people in. I’ve opened myself up to people instead of returning to my “glare until they feel intimidated then build them up” flirting technique. I’ve been vulnerable and I’ve let people see myself as an emotional wreck. I’ve gotten attached to someone and bragged about our “relationship” only to have my heart stomped on at the beginning of summer and then finally getting closure at the beginning of 2014. I’ve focused on building up friendships and introducing myself to new people. I’ve stopped worrying about when I’ll fall in love because I know that right now it’s best for me to focus on work and my career path.
And gosh darn it, is that doing well!
I know I’m not a religious person, but I now understand what it’s like to need to believe in something bigger than us. I chose to believe in stars, the universe, and luck. I chose to believe in something that makes everyone think I’m just a lonely white teenaged girl who blames her sign for all her faults.
Maybe I am. But at least I’m happy and more accepting of myself, others, financial security and this stupid thing called love. Because when you think about it, isn’t that what we’re all looking for? Isn’t that why we all try to believe in something bigger? Because we think it will lead us to love, which we seem to think leads to eternal happiness?