No one wants to read your sh*t.
Regardless of what your passion is, there is a voice inside your head telling you that you suck.
Mine likes to point out every single little flaw in anything I have ever written. It pays no attention to what age I was when I wrote something; it pays no attention to the development I’ve made or will make. Its opinion is that everything sucks.
Usually it’s very tiny, just popping in to remind me I’m a terrible writer just before I published or share a piece. It decides to stop by during exams to remind me that no matter how many essays I wrote beforehand, the one that counts for the most marks will suck.
It points out grammar mistakes, odd sentences, reminders from old teachers. It’s helpful in that way. It makes me better. Until it becomes more than a tiny voice in the back of my head.
No one- absolutely no one- wants to read this. No one wants to read your shit.
It tells me as I hover above the send icon of another “Hey, will you read this story I just wrote?” text.
It tries to pull me back when I share something outside of my blog or usually group of testers/friends.
It laughs as I submit an essay.
It’s screaming as I read over what I have of Dance Dance Dead. I’m trying to be productive and see what I have that I can use. I’m trying to move forward, but the voice is screaming at me that I can’t use any of it. Why did I bother starting if I never planned on finishing?
Do you even like your plot?
Are your character going to do anything aside from creating awkward sexual tension?
Is it worth it to continue?
Or is it time to let go?
Time to carve away the last five years of my life. To forget the characters that have gone through SO much developing and rewriting to get to where they are.
I can’t do that because I can’t let the voice win.
If I let the voice win, I will never write anything. And when I stop writing what’s to stop it from invading the rest of my life?
So I will continue to write.
I will get frustrated as I realize I have no useable material. I will postpone editing another year. I will start other projects. But I’ll always come back.
I’ll write essays and finish them even though the entire time the voice is saying “This is stupid. Why did you write that? That’s irrelevant.” I’ll proofread them and try not to cringe as much. I’ll shove that nine page research paper in my mom’s face and make her read it because if Snow White is ruined for me, it has to be ruined for her too. Because despite what the voice said about how I couldn’t write the entire thing in 8 hours, I did. And I’m proud of it.
I will text J. and ask her repeatedly to read my work even though I know she has better things to do. And when I know she hasn’t read it yet, I will bring hard copies to school and her house and demand she reads it in front of me.
Because that’s the only thing that will shut the voice up- succeeding. No matter how tiny the success is, it will always be louder than the voice telling me to stop. Maybe this is crap. Maybe it will only get a few views (and maybe it will just be my dad clicking the link thirty times). But those are already more than the voice believes I can get. And to that I say, suck it!