“Get me out of my mind, and get you out of those clothes” –Fall Out Boy
This is for everyone who has problems with overthinking. This is for the people who want to do anything for just a few moments of silence.
This is for me.
I can’t tell you how many times my mind has been plagued with one or two thoughts that I can’t get away from. There are times when the only relief I can get is through sleep, and even that is iffy sometimes.
Sometimes there is absolutely nothing to do except ride the thoughts out. But sometimes they’re so complex, so life defining, so demand of my attention at every waking second, that I can’t sort my way through them. And then I feel helpless and hopeless and desire nothing more than for someone to grab me by the shoulders and shake me out of my head.
I’ve been listening to Fall Out Boy on repeat the last few days. It has been my busiest week of my semester and yet there is this one thought that keeps circling around my brain. Wrapping itself around the center and screaming at me to acknowledge it. It’s been so hard to deal with because I need my focus to be on school work right now, but I also need to acknowledge the issue at hand.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on the verge of tears because I want my brain to just shut the fuck up.
This line in Thanks For the Memories (I know I’m spelling that properly and not the FOB way- calm down) is really sticking with me this week. I know exactly how this feels. I know exactly how it feels to be so done with what’s going on in my brain. I know how it feels to desperately want a distraction of any kind. I also know that medicating is not the way to go.
Yes, there may be times when I absolutely hate the overthinking. There are times when I want to drink until the voices shut up. There are times when I lay in bed for hours begging for sleep to come to allow me some distance.
But most of the time, I like my brain. I like the overthinking that allows me to work my way through big decisions. I like the million things happen at once that somehow makes me the extremely creative person I am. I like that every once in a while my brain lets me make an impulsive decision first, and then spends hours justifying it (ahem, my Phineas and Ferb tattoo I just got).
My crazy, ridiculous, hyperactive brain makes me who I am, and I would never ever change it.
But sometimes I need to listen to Fall Out Boy and spend twenty minutes after the song has ended thinking about how nice a distraction would be every once in a while.
*Image from WeHeartIt; credit to the original artist*